Three for the Duh! File

--Taking an order on the phone, customer's giving me the list of names she wants on the card: "Becky, Mark, Kelly..." I say, "Is that Mark with a 'C' or with a 'K'?" In a totally disgusted voice, she says, "It's with an 'M.'"

--From a local radio news report Tuesday morning, regarding a drunk driver, "The arrest was made after police reported following an EROTIC driver on Rt. 417 West..." I've heard of drunk drivers driving "erratically," I'm wondering just how drunk you have to be to drive "erotically." And what, exactly, constitutes erotic driving--I've had some weird pictures in my head for the past day or so...not that that's anything new but at least this time I've got someone else to blame them on.

--Here's a bit of random advice that has come to mind in my recent dealings with a certain person*: If you think the majority of people in your life are "too defensive," it might be time to consider the possibility that you are offensive.

*A person, it's important to note, who doesn't have Internet access at this time, but who will nonetheless remain nameless in case she/he ever does join this century. Worry not that the person in question may recognize him/herself without a name because this is truly one of the least self-aware people I've ever, ever, ever met.