Sunday, April 29, 2007

Let's Make a Deal: An Open Letter to the Universe

Dear Universe:

If you will only let me win the lottery--and I don't even need the BIG, GRAND PRIZE jackpot, first or even second place would be just fine and would solve so many problems--I promise I will give generously to reputable charities and that I will do so anonymously because my goal wouldn't be gratitude and glory but to give back.

I promise I would spend the rest wisely--not go out and purchase five or six luxury SUVs or wall-sized big-screen TVs and I wouldn't buy fancy shoes and jewelry and go on trips around the world. No, I would purchase a modest house--not build one, thereby using fewer of our dwindling natural resources and I would set up trust funds for my kids' college. Hell, I wouldn't even quit my sorry ass job--at least not right away. Cranky Boss Lady needs me, after all and, though I often dread going there, I know in my heart that if I didn't have somewhere I had to be, I might never get out of bed except to move to the couch where I would spend the entire day, except for forays into the kitchen and the bathroom, which I would literally have to talk myself into.

In short, Universe, I would be the most responsible, mature lottery winner of all time. And while I know that money doesn't solve all problems, I do firmly believe that some of the problems we have would be easier to solve if there were just enough money so that we could stop worrying about money and spend more time and energy on the other problems that need solving. And I would, Universe, I so would--I'd be the Superhero of Non-monetary Problem-Solving. You've never seen anything like it, Universe.

And, yes, Universe, I know (perhaps too well) how pathetic it is that playing the lottery is currently my only financial strategy, but for a variety of reasons, it's all we've got at the moment. So could you please add that in to your calculations as well?

Masked Mom


  1. Watch what you wish for.

    The second tier prize just might be a pony.

  2. Heh. With my luck lately they'll tell me it's a pony and really it'll be a jackass. :) (When I used to watch the show, I was always hoping someone would pick the door with the farm animal behind it. It was my favorite part.)