Monday, January 23, 2006

When In Doubt, Throw It Out And Other Highlights of My Month So Far

~~~Someone, whose privacy I have vowed to protect so I can't mention her by name, but if you're really curious, e-mail me or give me a call and we can make fun of her behind her back, called me over the weekend for some advice regarding a jar of homemade sloppy joe sauce, which was maybe a little old. Thinking it might be as much as three years old, in which case I wouldn't eat it, I said, "When's it from?"

She said, "It's from 1993."

Okay. Even if the sauce were not awash in harmful microorganisms, even it were perfectly safe to eat, I would think there would be some serious deterioration in quality. I mean, if after twelve-plus years in a dust-covered jar in a musty corner of the pantry (or basement or wherever one keeps a jar of sloppy joe sauce for 12 years!) without benefit of the industrial strength preservatives found in store-bought canned goods, it still tasted exactly the same as it did when it was brand new, how good could it possibly have been to begin with?

~~~A friend who owns several rental properties around town was running an ad that specifically said, "No pets." Imagine his delight in receiving three seperate calls in an 18-hour period in which the caller casually mentioned, "I have a cat." We're all aware that many pet owners, myself included, consider their pets members of the family and it couldn't be clearer that most cats do not consider themselves pets, but let's remember that by the strict definition, cats are, in fact, technically pets.

~~~While working on a display window for Valentine's Day, I put a strand of heart lights inside a reproduction Victorian bird cage. K, a guy who sometimes helps out at the shop, but who is mostly a Shop Groupie (one of a group of colorful people who would make great Blog Material if I ever get around to it), was watching me with a raised eyebrow. "And just what is the significance of hearts in a cage? Is your heart a captive of love?"

Gosh, I almost wish I'd been clever enough to think of that, but no, as I told K: "The significance is I am lazy, the bird cage takes up a lot of space and cramming the hearts in it tied it in with the holiday theme with almost no effort on my part."

The window, despite my admitted laziness, has gotten some compliments, but with its white lace, gauzy red tulle, and gold accessories, it turned out a little too Best Little Whorehouse In Texas for my taste.


  1. My Dad gets very frustrated with my Mom and her ability to keep buying things that they already have and then discovering 12 year old sloppy joe sauce too. So he started writing the date on the tops of the cans and bottles to see how long they really do hold on to stuff. I kid you not just recently she threw out some sage that she paid 39 cents for. Back when they did not have price tags but marked prices with an ink was almost too old to throw out!

  2. No. Seriously? 12 year old sloppy joe sauce? That's funny as hell.

    You made my night. Also, I am grooving on the image of the heart in the birdcage.

    And...what's the shop?

  3. I am so NOT the food storage type! If I have to even think twice about something that's in my cupboard, that qualifies as hesitation...therefore, it gets thrown out immediately.

    end of story.

  4. I have to admit that part of the reason the sloppy joe sauce story was so amusing is that when I was growing up, my mom would move the entire contents of our refrigerator from one house to another. We moved every other year or so and I swear we moved some jars of pickles that were heirlooms. Having four kids, though, nothing around HERE lasts long enough to get that old. The other reason, which I didn't mention in the post itself, that this was so funny to me is that the person in question frequently refers to herself as a "neat freak" and really, truly thinks she's very tidy and organized. The sloppy joe sauce is just one very amusing proof that she's completely deluded about herself.

    And Bihari--it's a flower shop. On paper, I'm the "manager," but in practice, my job consists almost entirely of talking Cranky Boss Lady (the owner) down off of one emotional ledge after another and running interference between her and the customers, employees and even some members of her family. I really need a raise! :)

  5. I say save the aging sloppy joe sauce for the imminent nuclear exchange, or the bird flu lockdown, whichever comes first!