Wednesday, September 19, 2007

And, While You're At It, How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To The Tootsie Roll Center Of A Tootsie Pop?

Over the weekend, the tattered remnants of my seventh grade yearbook surfaced, much to the amusement of Daughter-Only and Oldest Niece, daughter of Little Sister.

The girls were baffled by the clothing "styles" (or lack thereof) and the last names--there was a high concentration of German-sounding names like Shmeckenbecker and Fenstermacher, names that make you spit a little if you're saying them right. They were reading through different names and Oldest Niece said, "T. Fairchild.*"

I said, "Let me tell you a little something about 'T. Fairchild.' 'T. Fairchild' rode our bus and she sold your mother's phone number to some boys who wanted it."

Oldest Niece's eyes widened and her mouth even dropped open a little. Was Oldest Niece appalled by this betrayal of her mother's friendship? Was she horrified that anyone could stoop that low? Not exactly.

"Wow...How many boys paid for my mother's phone number?"

Alas, I was unable to remember the exact details of the financial transactions carried out by T. Fairchild. I vaguely remember something about 80 cents, but did T. Fairchild charge one boy 80 cents? Or did she charge two boys 40 cents? Hell, maybe she charged 8 boys 10 cents...

Little Sister, if you're reading this, please tell us, how many boys did pay for your phone number? The world--and your 15-year-old daughter--want to know.

*"T. Fairchild" is not an attempt to protect the identity of the phone-number-selling guilty party in this story. It is the way the names were actually listed in the yearbook and that's how we referred to her during the conversation on Saturday. T. Fairchild's first name is Teresa--I'd sell you her phone number, too, if I had it.


  1. Youngest Sister9/20/07, 1:31 PM

    It's no wonder that every time I go home my nieces have new stories to tell me about our childhoods. Some of which I don't even remember!!! I can just see the look on Oldest Niece's face, too. : )

  2. Yes, my brain is a repository of useless information--some of it accurate. It's so funny that you should say that about the girls all knowing things--Youngest Niece and I were at Daughter-Only's soccer game on Wed. and somehow the alphabet came up (we were surrounded by swarming five-year-olds so that's probably it) and Youngest Niece looks at me and says, "Those are MY ABCs!" with full confidence that I would get the joke even though I'm pretty sure she and I have never discussed it before.

    These stories spread like a fungus through the family, with or without help from I might as well spill all the beans, right?

  3. little sister9/21/07, 1:34 PM

    Although I do remember the incident in question and even the town we lived in at the time, I am not certain how many boys paid for my phone number. I think she gave it to some of them for free after she had enough money to pay for her icecream sandwich at lunch or an extra milk or something like that.
    I think five of them actually tried to call but not sure.
    What a strange world we lived in...
    I do also remember the infamous owner of the ABCs.

  4. 867.5309..... :)

    and i went 'school shopping' for rio and was astounded that all the clothes look like my first grade clothes!

  5. Youngest Sister9/22/07, 2:43 PM

    Ok, ok. I admit it. The ABCs were mine. All mine.