Fell Asleep In The Walmart Parking Lot...Woke Up In 1985

Today, I accidentally discovered a fold in the space-time continuum and it wasn't anything like the movies would lead you to believe. There was no need to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge into some swirly water portal, no being strapped into something that vaguely resembled a carnival ride, and, alas, no DeLorean piloted by Michael J. Fox (or, for that matter, Christopher Lloyd).*

Instead, I woke up this morning with a headache, the product of sleep deprivation and sinus trouble. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself (which is as effective a prescription for pain relief as practically anything available over the counter), I had mother stuff to do. Within half an hour of getting out of bed, I was in the car driving for two hours so that Daughter-Only, her boyfriend (AM) and another friend (RC) could attend an Open House at a prospective college all three of them are interested in.

This college happens to be the college Son-Two attended for two and a half years (and is currently on a break from) so, especially with the headache, I bowed out of the program and took my wounded self to the corner of the parking lot of a nearby Walmart where I promptly locked all my doors and fell into a ridiculously sound sleep.

I had intended to doze, but assumed I wouldn't be able to get comfortable enough--either physically or psychologically--to actually sleep soundly in the van, in a parking lot, in the glare of the sun. Once the seat was reclined, though, I folded myself into some sort of origami shape and I was out cold for two and a half hours.**

When I woke up with that groggy, hard-sleep hangover feeling, I turned on the radio and was greeted by the unmistakable voice of Casey Kasem doing the Top 40 Countdown for the week of November 16, 1985.

Dire Straits' "The Walk of Life" (#40) began playing and I was 17 again, living with friends of my family and driving 45 minutes one-way to be an out-of-district student at Mr. High School's school. The drive meant a minimum of an hour and a half of radio listening per day--and that's not even taking into consideration the two and a half hour drive (one-way) to go home for the weekend. Some of those songs (like #28: "Fortress Around Your Heart" by Sting) are embedded in me at the cellular level, I'm pretty sure.

Some of those songs (like #23: "I Miss You" by Klymaxx) were included on the three-disc set "Sappy Crap Soundtrack," which I made for Mr. High School in early 2006, complete with a goofy set of liner notes explaining the deep significance of each song as it applied to my Crazy Crush on him senior year. The fact that we got to laugh together over the angst and insanity of 1985 in 2006 was a minor space-time continuum miracle in itself.

A few songs into the countdown today, Daughter-Only texted to let me know they were ready to be picked up. She normally has full control of the music in the van, especially when she has friends along, but RC is an '80s music fan so we had two votes and this was an unprecedented fold in the space-time continuum that might never happen again. To comfort Daughter-Only, I told her we would probably lose reception fairly quickly.

We didn't though--the station was still coming in clearly for #20: "Lovin' Every Minute Of It" by Loverboy. By this point, Daughter-Only was most assuredly not lovin' every minute of it.

She did, however, thoroughly enjoy the college's Open House program, especially the part where she and RC found themselves alone with two college girls who were acting as student guides. One of the guides said, "So, do either of you have any off-the-record questions?"

Daughter-Only and RC said they couldn't think of anything then the girl volunteered, "There are lots of bars in the area and it's really easy to get in. I use a man's ID."

The other one spoke up, "I use a Pokemon card."

You know, something like that would never have happened in 1985.

In 1985, it would have been a Garbage Pail Kids card.


*Respectively, Kate & Leopold, Timeline, and Back to the Future.

**The Walmart in Dunkirk, NY is a happening place on Saturday afternoon and my parking spot ended up being significantly less secluded than it was to start with. I woke up surounded by cars on all sides, no doubt driven by people who are now convinced they've seen a homeless woman sleeping in her van.