I have been sorting boxes from my attic in an effort to prepare for a move about which I haven't yet found the strength and sanity to blog. Some of the boxes contain things from my paternal grandmother's house. My Nan was Catholic and a kleptomaniac, among many other things, not that those two things--Catholicism and kleptomania are directly related, of course.
In any case, as I'm going through the boxes that contain some of her things, both her kleptomania and her Catholicism are readily apparent. There were something like six pairs of eyeglasses in one box and Daughter-Only's mouth gaped open wider with each pair we found. I kept saying, "Kleptomaniac. I tried to tell you..." Not only were the glasses likely to have been stolen, but each case had odd things tucked into it--fingernail clippers, coupons for free sodas from the nursing home snack bar, salt and pepper and Sweet'n'Low packets that she also probably pilfered.
The Catholicism is a little more subtle--expressed mainly in rosary beads (at least one of the sets was legitimately hers--I bought it for her) and a crucifix, which hung in her bedroom for as long as I can remember. When Daughter-Only saw the crucifix, she said, "Jesus is built like Dad."
I looked at her funny--I mean what the hell other way do you look at someone who has come out with something so random and odd?
And she says, "Or, rather, Dad is built like Jesus since Jesus was here first."
That's so much better.
The Art of Thriving ~Studio News4U
3 months ago
Finally proof we are not married to the same man. My husband is NOT built like Jesus. I don't think. Maybe I should ask daughter only. . .?
ReplyDeleteShe does seem to have a special vision all her own, let me tell ya'. When she said it I think a few circuits in my brain were fried on the spot--I swear I actually heard sizzling noises in my head. But I do have to say that now that she mentions it, I can see her point...is that blasphemous?
ReplyDeleteAt first I thought 'surely she has misunderstood the definition of kleptomania'? But no, indeed, your nan was both a Catholic and a kleptomaniac. The weirdness is not in the items that she pilfered but rather in the fact that she was a devoted catholic who pilfered. Weird indeed!
ReplyDeleteTotally Catholic, totally a klepto. That's my Nan. When I was growing up, my mother told me that Nan was banned from numerous stores around the Pittsburgh, PA area. My father later confirmed this. By the time I came along, she and my grandfather had moved into the hunting cabin in the northwestern part of the state and she had either perfected her technique or gotten the urge somewhat in check because to my knowledge, she was welcome in all the stores in several towns around where she lived.
DeleteI will say that I know of only one time that she stole from me & Hubby. It was a GI Joe action figure from a collection Hubby started when Son-One was a baby. We were staying with her at that time and one of the figures came up missing. After days of searching, I found it in her purse. That's how you know it's a true sickness/mania--she had zero use for that figure and took it at risk to our relationship. There was a scene that involved tearful denials, etc, etc. Eventually, though, I just came to understand that it was part of the package of Nan--like the color of her eyes or her amazing recipe for Swiss steak.
Hysterical! Love that daughter only got it right about who came first - and that's what she saw in Jesus on the cross? Lucky kid - I was always filled with gory, guilt ridden images from which I YET to recover......
ReplyDeleteI definitely see your point. As I said, that crucifix hung in Nan and Pap's bedroom my whole life and for a long time, I was kind of spooked by it, which reminds me of another Nan & Pap story I may someday get the courage to share. ;)
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