"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should've been more specific."
(This one goes out to Youngest Sister, who has always shown amazing restraint in the "I told you so" department.)
Before we even get to my offense (which is enormous), let me begin with my defense (which is puny).
When Daughter-Only was born, she joined a household which included three older brothers, the oldest of whom was six. I had worked full-time up until the week before she was delivered. We also had a dog and several cats, most of whom I ignored completely, but I am adding them to this list in hopes of tipping the scales of justice a little bit in my favor. The ultrasound I had a week or so before she was born showed that she was a girl, which after three boys in a row, was a mind-blowing distraction of its own. (Honestly? I thought the tech was just messing with me because she had just asked me how many of which variety I had at home.) In addition, I went into labor at approximately 2 a.m. and delivered around 6 a.m. thereby messing with my sense of time even more. And not to protest too much, but I also had surgery at 9 a.m. the day after she was born and was released out into the world a few short hours later.
Consequently, my sense of time was somewhat distorted and for several years after she was born, I told everyone Daughter-Only's birthday was June 24. It was (and remains) June 23.
Youngest Sister tried to point this out to me on at least one occasion. I shudder to recall the tone in which I said, "I know my own daughter's birthday."
When it was time for kindergarten registration, I pulled out Daughter-Only's state-issued baby pink birth certificate and was horrified to discover my mistake--my face was pinker than the paper the correct date was printed on. I have since apologized (and made unnecessary excuses) to Youngest Sister, but apparently, the universe has decided that I have not yet done penance enough for my mistake.
Earlier this week, Daughter-Only's first-ever income tax return was rejected for e-filing by the IRS because the birth date listed on the return did not match the birth date on file with the Social Security Administration for that Social Security number. Let the record reflect the fact that the application for said Social Security number was filled out by me before I left the hospital after giving birth to Daughter-Only. And, if we've learned anything here today, it's that there was a time when I truly did not know my own daughter's birthday.
I broke the news to Daughter-Only that her refund would be delayed because the Social Security Administration had her birth date listed incorrectly.
Daughter-Only said, "How does that even happen?"
"Uh, somebody must've screwed up somewhere along the line."
I always wanted to be somebody...