Second, even though 1996 isn't so very long ago (though slightly longer than I really wish to dwell on), there are things about this piece that strike me as hilariously outdated. Maybe that's a good thing.
Toys For Girls And Boys
As an enthusiastic junior warrior in the Battle of the Sexes, my uniform at age seven was a red-trimmed halter top that proclaimed, "Anything boys can do, girls can do better."
Decades later, the battle rages on. Gender roles are in flux and as the mother of three sons and a daughter, I am on the front lines in this war. A good general must use the weapons she has at hand, which in my case are toys.
When our first son was born, there was no question his toy box would be filled not only with traditional boy's toys--cars, trucks, and three-inch superheroes, but with a sampling of "girl's toys" as well. At holidays and birthdays, we spread the word among family and friends.
When word reached my grandmother, who was raised in a generation in which gender roles were taken for granted as divinely ordained, she took me aside. "Just between you and me," she whispered,"your daddy had a Little Lady Housekeeping set when he was four." To my grandmother's surprise, he's turned out okay, despite the hours he spent mopping, sweeping and ironing as a child.
A good general must pick her battles. My grandmother was years ahead of her time in choosing toys, so I didn't bother explaining to her how boys can benefit from playing with girl's toys and vice versa. Different types of play teach different lessons, the theory goes. Girls who play with toys aimed at boys may be learning to assert themselves in ways the Little Lady Housekeeper set can't teach. Boys who play with girl's toys learn lessons in nurturing that plastic superheroes can't teach.
With these enlightened thoughts in mind, I could not resist a self-congratulatory pat on the back the day Son-One, then four, asked if he could take his baby doll, Jason, outside to play. In the Battle of the Sexes, it was clear my side had a new recruit.
A good general never celebrates victory prematurely, however. Peeking out the window in hopes of catching Son-One in the act of sensitive nurturing, I saw instead Jason-the-doll with a jump rope around his ankle being dragged behind Son-One's bike.
Three years later, the battle rages on. The doll, nearly a casualty of war, recovered and received the Purple Heart. Son-One reminded me the other day that his doll's clothes needed washing and his dolly diaper hadn't been changed in months. That's progress I suppose. But I won't rest until Son-One puts those clothes in his Little Mister Housekeeper automatic washing machine all by himself.
In our household of three boys, Benny once made the comment, after two consecutive semesters in sewing electives at school, in which he made a quilt, that he "had taken one" for the team. He said that he had only done the quilt to satisfy Annie's maternal need to teach off-spring how to sew. On the other hand, I missed out on the opportunity to teach a daughter how to hit a baseball, both left-handed and right-handed. Sigh. What are you going to do? Oh, yeah. Granddaughters...
ReplyDeleteI'll bet you'll be an excellent baseball coach for your granddaughters and grandsons alike. :)
DeleteGranddaughters , Markie? You will be awesome. I, on the other hand, don't intend to have any grandchildren.... not for a LONG time anyway,
DeleteThis is a GREAT post! I loved it!
ReplyDelete(Poor Jason!)
Glad you liked it. I think Jason is actually still up in the attic in Son-One's things. He's somewhat the worse for wear, but no one was willing to part with him.
DeleteAll my three boys had baby dolls. One of these was a beautiful handmade Waldorf doll called "Doll William." Doll William could frequently be found being used to hit the cat, dragged across the floor by his arm or thrown over the balcony. He died later from his injuries. However, all of these male hellions have turned out to be very tender with actual babies, caressing their hands gently and whispering soothing baby talk into their tiny ears. I guess it all works out. This post takes me back. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome and thanks for sharing the tale of Doll William. All my boys are excellent with babies and young children as well--though that probably has little to nothing to do with the toys they found in their toy boxes.
DeleteLoved this. My little boys have an abundance of cars, trucks, and trains (no weapons, I stand strong against the weapons) but also an abundance of a variety of stuff animals. I am often asked to provide back up for changing diapers, bathing, feeding, and giving kisses to said stuffed animals, but mostly their care falls to my three year old.
ReplyDeleteIn the original draft of this post, I included a anecdote about walking in on Son-One nursing Jason--something that really happened. I cut it out of the final draft due to space issues, which was a little bit of a bummer since it was one of the most adorable moments in my parenting career. It's so sweet to see them taking care of "babies."
DeleteWhile I was nursing Thing 2, Thing 1 would often pick up the closest stuffed animal and sit with me on the couch to nurse as well. It was adorable.
DeleteMy son loved The Little Mermaid, so much so that my mother in law asked if she could give him an Ariel doll. I said sure, my husband said sure, and our son was giddy with joy. He took that (Barbie) Ariel with him everywhere for over a year, and if you go upstairs right now, you will find her in my daughter's doll house. Well loved, and still a member of our household, 15 years later.
ReplyDeleteThat's adorable.
DeleteSo this year for Christmas, my two grandsons, ages 4 and 3 each got an iTouch. So their toys are of the virtual kind.
ReplyDeleteMy not-yet three-year-old niece has a starter computer from Vtech. It's craziness.
DeleteMy daughter was surrounded by boy toys, but never really played with them. Most of my boys had a doll at one time or another. They never dragged them with a rope,tho I'm sure they would've loved to.
ReplyDelete(I'm frequently stunned when someone mentions the 90's and I realize how long ago it was. Feels like just a couple years.)
I was at first baffled by the seeming violence of the act of tying the doll to the bike, but in talking to Son-One about it later, he said he was just giving Jason a ride. ;)
Delete(And it actually took me a minute to recover from doing the math of how much time has passed since 1996.)
This reminds me of when Victor was little, and he wanted to play with my Barbies. I told him he couldn't because because because uh uh uh "They're girl toys." Which, of course, was just an excuse for not sharing. When I was feeling generous, he'd play house with me and dolls were shared and cared for, as were his legos, which I must confess, I still love.
ReplyDeleteI am the oldest of three girls and a boy. My poor little brother was drafted into playing house with us all the time and he always had to be the dog or the baby. I have VERY clear images of my little brother crawling around in his pajamas either barking or whimpering and cooing. Sometimes he'd get mixed up and be a barking baby or a cooing dog. ;)
DeletePS--I'm still pretty fascinated by Legos and Tinker Toys and stuff like that.
DeleteI have a hard time believing 1996 was 16 years ago and I was graduating from college.
ReplyDeleteThere are days I wake up and can't believe I'm not still 18 though so, you know, there's that.