Sunday, November 26, 2006

'Scuse Me While I Crawl Into the Dairy Case and Hide Behind the Hummus and the Swiss Miss Puddings

I come from a steadfastly unsqueamish family, most of whom aren't afraid to cross the occasional "gross" line in pursuit of a laugh. Many years ago, a friend gave me a "recipe" for a cracker spread composed of tiny shrimp, seafood cocktail sauce (which I swear is just ketchup with horseradish in it, but maybe it's just me), and cream cheese. Served with crackers, it's quick, easy, and pretty tasty, but kind of funny looking.

[Blurt Alert! Pretty much the rest of this post.] The first time my father saw it he said, "What the hell is this? It looks like afterbirth!"

My family being the family we are, the name stuck--not only was it memorable but it was a much more succinct name than "that stuff with shrimp and cream cheese and cocktail sauce that you spread on crackers."

So, many years later--this weekend in fact--Daugther-Only and I are standing in front of the display of crackers in our local grocery store. Undecided on the best crackers to serve and wanting not to alarm nearby shoppers, I leaned in to whisper to Daughter-Only, "I'm trying to decide which crackers would go best with afterbirth."

Apparently, my attempts at subtlety were a bit too, um, subtle and Daughter-Only shouted, "Afterbirth!? We're having afterbirth!? Wow! I love that stuff!"

A word to the wise: If you ever need to hide in the dairy case (and if you have kids it's a safe bet you someday will), the milk section provides considerably better coverage than puddings and hummus.


  1. I like your family. We'd get along...not that I've ever eaten "afterbirth" or anything.(giggle)

  2. Oh that's funny! How about my daughter lifting her shirt up to her chest and telling the checkout girl, "it's hot, and my mommy does this when she's hot."

    yep. that's great.

  3. Gee, I thought for sure you were going to call it some type of used female menstral product. Seriously that is what came to mind when you described it...oh yeah, we have had it too and I love it!! We here in Texas will put Salsa on it or BBQ sauce as well...strange but true.

  4. making notes to self right now, thanks for the tip

  5. It's amazing how something so small can make you feel so embarrassed. I took my son trick or treating at his doctor's office this past year. As we were walking by a skeleton hanging on the wall of the office, he asked me, "Momma, where's his penis?" Of course, there was a father with his son right behind us about to bust his sides laughing hysterically!!

  6. I'm so glad to know I have such good company! I'll leave some room for you all behind the processed cheeses and the chip dip.